The Jade Times

By Christine “ECKO” Ho

Let me start by saying — I have recently gotten into a car accident. And it wasn’t my first one.

It was my third — third — time being rear-ended in one year. So do I think I know what to do in a car accident? Uh, chyeah!

First: CALL 911. Tell the operator, as best as you can, where you are, and what happened. Chances are, a cop will reach you within a few minutes. You can ask the operator for advice on whether or not to move your car before the cop gets there. They will also ask you if you’ve been hurt — I will tell you, no matter what, you will ache. Maybe not at that moment, but you will later. In the shock of the moment, you will probably be numb and not be feeling anything, so make sure you take into account what damage you may have. If you think you need an ambulance, go ahead and tell them you think you need medical assistance. Or, it is possible the other driver needs medical assistance. WARNING: Ambulances cost a lot. I’m not discouraging you from getting an ambulance if you’re internally bleeding and you’re in extreme pain, but you might not want to call one for a muscle ache in your neck. Gauge your pain yourself and be smart.

Second: If you’re on the highway and there are speeding cars all around you, move your car if possible. Of course, ask the operator first, but I have a police officer friend who says it’s best to move your car. There is a great risk that someone behind you didn’t realize you were in an accident and ram into you, making the potential of injury and death higher. If you can’t move your car, then there’s really nothing you can do. Eventually, traffic around you will slow. This is when I would say move to the third step.

Third: Always keep a camera. In this day and age, everyone has a smart phone. Utilize it. It probably comes with a fancy camera. Now, I’m not saying Instagram it or alter the picture in any way, because that might not be the best thing to do — it could become legal evidence in the future. It’s probably a good idea to keep a disposable camera in your glove compartment as well. I carry my camera around, so I will take multiple pictures of my car, my car in relation to the other car, the damage that was done close up and the damage to the other car. You can usually take all of these pictures before the cop gets there.

Fourth: Try to get the insurance information of the other car and return the favor by offering your information. Keep paper and pen handy in your glove compartment. It’s possible they might refuse to give you the information, in which case you really can’t do anything and just wait for the police to get there. Make sure you have your license and registration ready for the police.

Fifth: When the police officer asks for your statement, tell him/her as succinctly as possible what happened, in the order that it happened. If it helps to write it down or draw it out, go ahead and have everything done before he/she gets there. In my experience, police officers are busy people that do the best with what they have, and have to pass judgment on the spot. If they feel you are in the wrong, then he/she will give you a ticket that you can contest later. However, do not admit guilt. Do not say, “Officer, it was my fault. I rammed into him.” There are circumstances that the police officer will take into account, some of which are weather, road conditions, traffic conditions, etc. If you rear-ended someone, it most likely is your fault. But what if the person in front of you had been changing lanes recklessly and didn’t see you and clipped into you? Therefore, it’s best to omit any mentions of guilt and stick to the facts.

Sixth: I don’t really know the legal aspects after an accident because I’ve gotten a lawyer for all of my accidents. I let her handle all of my legal matters. You can get a lawyer, but if you don’t want to, then you can probably just handle it through your insurance company and the other party’s insurance company. However, they will try to pay you the least amount they can so that they don’t lose money. Make sure you have all your ducks lined up and you list out all the faults and the damages, and the emotional trauma you went through. If you had to miss work because of the accident, then they will also take that into consideration as well. If you don’t have any means of transportation, they will provide a rental for you. Make sure you know your coverage and what you can ask for and what you can’t.

Seventh: If it was your fault, your insurance will probably go up. If it wasn’t your fault, you will wait for a check to come in from the insurance company involved with your accident.

Eighth: Reflect. Why did you get into an accident? Were you not paying attention to the cars ahead of you and that’s why you braked too hard and made the car behind you ram into you? Or were you texting while you were driving (ILLEGAL!)? Or maybe you were staring at a funny billboard and didn’t realize that the next to you was trying to merge in. The best driving is defensive driving — which means you should be prepared for anything that might happen on the road.

There you go — the eight steps to dealing with a car accident. I hope that this won’t have to help anyone I know, because then that will mean you were in a car accident, but I do enjoy good advice for bad situations.

Question:

Dear Sister ECKO:

If you could describe characteristics to look for in a boy for younger sisters, what would you say?

Sincerely,

Sister Clarion

Answer:

My Sister Clarion,

I would definitely tell them that, in my opinion, these characteristics are important: sincerity, respect, trustworthiness, security, intelligence, and enthusiasm.

Sincerity seems self-explanatory, but a lot of girls fall for charm rather than substance.

Respect is absolutely necessary! To have a healthy relationship, he must respect both you and himself. To not have respect would be disastrous and could become an abusive relationship emotionally.

Trust is also necessary — you must be able to trust him. If you can’t, then you will have a relationship filled with negative emotions such as doubt and unhappiness.

Security: not monetarily, although that would be nice. This ties in with in with respect and trust — you don’t want a guy that can’t be secure in himself. If he always has to be by your side, hanging onto your arm, checking your phone to see who texts you, accusing you of a wandering eye because his own physique isn’t good enough — just typing it annoys me. Of course, too much security can also be a bother. Confidence walks a fine line with arrogance, but a guy that has confidence is ultimately more appealing.

Intelligence: I’m not saying the boy you’re talking to needs to have a doctorate, but make sure that he has plans for himself. Even if he doesn’t go to college, he can still be intelligent. Look out for ignorance; that is a surefire way to get under your skin, especially if you feel that he cannot be on the same level as you.

A boy who is enthusiastic is certainly much more appealing. You don’t want a bum lying around, you want someone that is willing to do things with you, try new things with you. He needs to be enthusiastic about any possible relationship with you as well. Don’t try to date a guy that only seems halfway interested in you, because men are transparent creatures — they are only halfway interested in you. At least, that’s the case most of the time.

Sincerely,

Sister ECKO

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Question:

Dear Sister ECKO,

If you could ask our founders one question, what would it be?

Sincerely,

Sister Clarion

Answer:

Hullo Sister Clarion,

I think this is an awesome question. If I could ask our founding mothers one thing, I think it would be:

Are you satisfied with where we are at now?

Sincerely,

Sister ECKO

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Question:

Dear Sister ECKO,

What are some ways that we can strengthen sisterhood?

Sincerely,

Sister Rumour

Answer:

Hola Sister Rumour

I think this is going to sound confusing, but FOCUS. A lot of times, sisters are rushing about, trying to meet aspirations and meet goals. I understand that our sorority is an exceptional organization that always strives to do better, but it has the same sense of a businessman working away from home more and more to make more money to keep the family happy. The family, however, would just prefer the businessman to be home.

Comparing that analogy, I think that sisters should sometimes ease off the other events while focusing on sisterhood. The entire foundation of our sorority is sisterhood, after all. Whenever you ask a person why they want to join, they will almost always say, “I want a home away from home,” or “a second family.”

I’m not saying let’s abolish all events or anything ridiculous like that. The businessman still has to feed his family after all. But even during events, or even working during an event, I have found that my strongest relationships have formed through work. By working with sisters, I have found their determination and passion to be equal to mine, something that we share in common. This underlying bond has created a path for the sisterhood to form, and I still have those bonds today.

I think that keeping sisterhood strong is a simple idea, but a difficult task. Don’t get so caught up in the business. FOCUS on the sisterhood.

Sincerely,

Sister ECKO

By Kippie “Sumitra” Aguilan, Staff Writer

Question:

“I spend a lot of my free time with the sorority and have had arguments with my boyfriend about the things I am doing when I am not with him. How can I get him to understand that our sisterhood is truly important and not just for ‘partying’?” – Sister Stuck in the Middle

Answer:

First off, I want to say congratulations to you – you seem to have caught yourself a gentleman who genuinely concerns himself for your well-being. Though I can see how it would be perceived as nosy or even controlling, men who take time to worry about what kind of people his partner is associating herself with, whether or not it be sisters, can be signs of deep emotional maturity, wishing only what is best for her and wanting her to be surrounded by good people with good intentions. One type of man that is a great example of this concern: a loving father towards his daughter. As a daughter myself, I would say that my father raised me with some sense and has characteristics I know I would want in a life partner.

Now, it may be easier said than done, but to get him to truly understand what it is to be a part of this great sisterhood, you will want to get him involved. As a sorority, “we hold our virtues to be true” and compose ourselves in demonstrating those virtues with every action we take, whether it is in the work place, at play or our regular daily routines. Start by introducing him to those virtues – explain to him events that may have taken place in your life that you feel the sorority has gotten you through, before he came into the picture. Often times, we join Delta Phi Lambda, looking to belong to something greater than ourselves and find it in supporting sisters – tell him the hardships you endured in your personal life and how those sisters helped you through that storm; talk about late-night study sessions that drove you and fellow sisters crazy, but the amazing grades you received that semester; explain how many shoulders you were able to cry on when times were tough with family or outside friends; remind him that when you two fight, you have at least five sisters within reach to talk to so you can calm down before addressing the issue together again.

Next, get him involved with these women you call sisters – we love to party, so why not invite him to join the fun? One or two get-togethers may be enough, but if he wants to be a part of your life, he will want to associate with them on a regular basis to see just how important the sorority influences you. Remind him that you understand he will not remember or even meet everyone (because we are growing as a sisterhood every single day), but that the ones closest to you will accept him with loving arms because they know he cares for you and you care for him. He may not even like to party, but if you are both in college, why not invite him to regular study sessions? Show him we are a studious bunch and he is more than welcome to join in on the academic fun, for lack of a better term. Or better yet, ask him to help out with philanthropic events your chapter may be planning – for example, sisters of the Loyola and DePaul chapters participate in volunteering with city-wide marathons. If your beau is a runner, remind him of the volunteer work we do and introduce him. Not only would your sisters find him quite the catch after running so many miles, but he can see that the chapter’s dedication helps you develop your own values at the same time. In time, he will get to know their names, have their phone numbers and even plan surprises with them to demonstrate his feelings, with the help of the girls that know you best.

Finally, sit and talk with him about the concerns he may have or that you may even share. Listen carefully to what he has to say and explain that his opinions are important to you. Explain to him that you understand you may not always see eye-to-eye, but that you appreciate his involvement and you want him to be comfortable with the choices you make and the people you surround yourself with that involve the sorority. Even if he may not ever fully understand the bonds that we build as sisters throughout our years together, a man who loves you for you will respect your wishes and see the good and bad with any situation, including the sorority. A man will never force you into accepting his opinion or try to change your mind about such important relationships – if he does, you may want to think about what his “best interests” are for you.

By Christine “ECKO” Ho, Staff Writer

Question:

Dear ECKO,

Which is better: Dating Greek or dating Non-Greek?

-Sister Rumour

Answer:

Dear Sister Rumour:

I honestly think that neither is better; I think that Greek is easier however, since you both know the time constraints of Greek life. You’re more understanding when your boyfriend says, “I have a brotherhood with my bros, so I can’t do dinner this Friday.” Likewise, he’s a lot more understanding when you say, “Sorry baby, our annual event that I have to help out with is on the same day as our hangout day with friends — actually, do you want to bring them to our annual ____ show?”

And he probably would.

However, non-Greek might be more worthwhile — if it works out. Although Greek life is a huge, important part of your life in the present, after you graduate, the number of events that you must attend are drastically cut. You will have more time to devote to your personal relationships as well as your professional life. Of course, speaking of professional, you will probably be as devoted to your future career (hopefully) as you were to the sorority. The only difference is that there is a cutoff time for your job. Greek life is lifelong.

A long distance boyfriend, of course, requires more effort. But to my way of thinking, the more you work for it, the more it is worth it. If he is a keeper, he will understand you and your priorities. Sacrifice is key in these relationships—you might not attend one sisterhood because your boyfriend from Arizona is in town. Your sisters will understand. You might have to postpone the 11 PM phone call with your boyfriend every night because your event ran longer than you thought. He will understand. Understanding, compromise, and ultimately the fights (because that’s how most couples work things out as well as figure out boundaries) will all run together to become something that the both of you are comfortable with. And when you tell him that you have an important event in which you are performing while he’s in town that weekend and ask him to come?

He’ll be there.

Sincerely,
ECKO

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Question:

Dear ECKO,

Why does the chicken cross the road?

-Sister Platinum

Answer:

Dear Sister Platinum,

The chicken crosses the road because it wants to get to the other side. And to join its brethren, I suppose. Although, I have to be honest — it probably won’t make it to the other side and will get run over. However, I will keep my fingers crossed for your chicken.

Sincerely,
ECKO

By Kippie “Sumitra” Aguilan, Staff Writer

Question:
“I am considered an international sister, receiving my undergraduate degree in the United States, then earning my graduate degree in Hong Kong. I have already had my share of experiences, but how would you recommend to fellow sisters how to deal with feelings of being homesick and even all the travel involved?” – Intentionally International Sister

Answer:
With the holidays well underway, I certainly understand how feeling homesick can get to anyone. However, you are already on the right track, just by being a sister of the best sisterhood ever! Sisters of Delta Phi Lambda should already know that though we only have chapters in the contiguous United States, our sisters are from all over the world. Even in our National History, we discuss that our Founding Mothers wanted our women to find “a home away from home”, and reconnecting with sisters in countries different from our own will help to strengthen that relationship and calm our fears of being alone in a world in which we are unaccustomed. Let me give you some examples!

From Purdue University, we have a sister studying abroad in the Netherlands but raised in Singapore while another sister is doing a work-study program in Taiwan, another is preparing for her medical career in South Korea and a few other sisters originate from Malaysia. From Illinois State University, we have two sisters who, starting in late January 2012, will be studying abroad in Japan – one of them is a neophyte, no less, so it’s lucky for her to have joined our great sisterhood in time to have a sister she can turn to out there. From Loyola, we have a sister who is originally from Thailand and a neophyte born and raised in Hong Kong and from DePaul we have a sister originally from Shanghai. From the University of Central Florida, we had a sister living and raising a family in Italy due to military reasons whereas from Georgia Tech, we have a sister who is splitting her time between Atlanta, Chicago, and Canada where her family resides; then at Georgia State University, we have a sister who is currently overseas teaching in Japan. And do not forget that we are slowly taking over the nation as well, from “the Redwood Forests to the Gulf Stream waters,” you can hear our call!

Even in a foreign country, miles away from family, friends, or even sisters, there are still ways to cope with feeling lonely and dealing with the distance that separates you from loved ones. One way to get started is by joining a nearby club, just like you did when starting out with Delta Phi Lambda – local hot spots such as groceries or community boards offer clubs to residents such as movie or book related clubs and even stranger ones, such as the examples in the movie “The Fight Club.” Try looking for classes in your area, such as language classes or cooking classes, where there is a common, singular bond amongst the students. There will also likely be singles groups to attend where you can not only meet new friends but potential life-partners. A great place to start your search for connections can be libraries, hostels where there are other travelers, or even colleges where there are bound to be others just like you. If you struggle, know that technology is ever-present and a loved one can be as close as your computer screen, using Skype or other voice/camera chat programs. You just have to keep in mind that even with all the space in between, you are never alone.

Would you like to submit a question to be featured in the next issue? Click here! (All submissions remain anonymous.)

Q: “What is the best way to dress for an interview without looking too trendy or too young?” -Prepping for Professionalism
 
A: “First impressions are very important when going to an interview, so you want to dress sharp. Gentlemen certainly have it easy, as they usually require a nice set of pants and a good dress shirt. Ladies have a bit of a harder time, mainly because we make it harder for ourselves. The main objective is to look respectable and professional without losing your sense of style.
 
No short shorts, mini-skirts or sexually alluring clothing or accessories. You want to prove you are a professional, and dressing like you are going to the club is not the way to go. Shorts and skirts are acceptable if they are close to knee-length or longer. No blouses that expose your breasts or high stiletto heels that cause you pain or make you look clumsy. You are trying to impress your interviewer for a job, not for a date.
 
Do not wear too much makeup. Unless you are applying for a job that requires sex appeal or sells a particular brand of makeup, or are auditioning for a role, minimal makeup is a good idea. You do not want to have the focus be completely on your attractiveness (unless the job requires it). You want an employer to seek your skills and talents, not your pretty face.

Try to wear bright colors. Studies suggest that differing colors produce differing attitudes toward the wearer, depending on what kind of attention you want. For example, brides tend to wear white because of the symbolization of purity and innocence; grooms wear black to symbolize strength and solidarity. Purple colors are associated with royalty and wealth; greens can be associated with growth or prosperity; and blues generally have a calming effect on a viewer, and has a strong association with nature such as the sky and waters (no wonder it is a popular color!)

Finally, be comfortable. If you do not like to wear skirts, do not wear one just because you think it is more appealing. Do not wear a blouse that is too tight because it looks good but hardly lets you breathe. If you are uncomfortable in your own attire, it will reflect on your presentation of yourself, and the interviewer will notice. It is important to feel comfortable and present your best self to the employer and the job you are interviewing for and show that you are the right fit for the position, not that your clothes don’t fit right.”

-Kippie “Sumitra” Aguilan, Staff Writer

Want to submit a question to be featured in the newsletter? Click here! (Submissions will remain anonymous)

Q: “I’ve been broken up with my ex-boyfriend for a year now and I still liked him until a few weeks ago. Now I’m ready to move on and find a new guy, but don’t know where to start. Any suggestions?”
- Single Seeking Sister
 
A: “Congratulations, Sister! Knowing you’re ready to move on is the first step to finding new and exciting connections. First and foremost: BE YOU! Do you want a fake guy who acts like he’s all that and in reality, is not? Lady Gaga would call that boy a “paper gangsta” and if he can’t be himself, he’s not worth your time. So if you know you wouldn’t want that, why would a guy want that from you? The saying “Learn to love yourself” rings true in scenarios like these, because if you can’t find it in yourself to give your best, you won’t receive the best in return.
 
Second, flirting and the game of “cat and mouse” can be fun, but you have to be able to distinguish the differences between that and cruel intentions — know that if you invest emotionally, it will lead to both good and bad kinds of hurt. Long- term relationships are painful to end because of the time, effort and emotional stake invested by both parties, but if you’re just starting over in the dating world and are already wearing your heart on your sleeve, the only person risking anything is yourself.
 
Know when to limit your emotions and enjoy the fleeting moments of single-hood. Don’t rush yourself into anything serious until you and the potential mate know it’s a good time. Besides, as a recovering self-proclaimed serial dater, and knowing others that have gone through the dating cycles, if you don’t look for it, love finds you.
 
Finally, with these two pieces of advice in mind, the best place to start your search is ANYWHERE. Keep yourself open to different possibilities — the local hangouts, events and gatherings — even online dating sites are catching on with great results. Readers know from a previous issue that I met my significant other through Craigslist. Even relationships that don’t work out may still become friendships. If you’re still in school, join a club or mingle with the organizations that associate with our sorority. Meeting new people through friends or sisters can also help you expand your social network.

The key is to learn and grow from the experiences — don’t make the search your number one priority. Don’t force the connection(s) either — it may cause heartache, miscommunication or even dangerous situations.
Whether you’re at the club for a girls’ night out, helping raise awareness for important issues or meeting a budding interest from the internet, remember the importance of 1) being yourself,  2) being safe and 3) having fun!”

By Kippie “Sumitra” Aguilan, Staff Writer

Q: “Dear Ask A Sister, How can I use social networking sites in my job search?”

A: “When using social networking sites such as Facebook, you can utilize their different features, such as the Marketplace, which allows users to post job listings for other users to browse. Another great site specific to the job hunt is LinkedIn, which is a professional social networking site without all the friendly banter (and drama) between members of the community. Craig’s List takes social networking to a basic level, similar to a local newspaper that lists classifieds and open job positions. All three create open communications between potential employees and those seeking a job.

Having the ability to speak professionally and freely without the middleman of a recruiter or interviews helps both parties get what they need. Networking also opens doors for those that can network with others in the field of interest. For example, my boyfriend, whom I met through Craig’s List, is friends with a girl whose fiancé got me my current position as a student advisor for an online university. The importance of social networking is getting to know people, and knowing people opens up new opportunities.”

Links:

www.linkedin.com
www.craigslist.org
www.facebook.com